Monday, June 8, 2009


© 2005

It eats you up, one piece at a time. It gnaws away continually, cutting deeper and deeper. You try to ignore it, but failing miserably. It never leaves you, constantly demanding your full attention. You frantically search for a way to get rid of it, but nothing helps.

Certain things distract you for short periods of time, only to have it return. Life seems not worth living.

What kind of cruel game is this? I never asked for it, and I want out. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t. But there is no escape.

Suddenly, a light flashes from a hidden place. Its blinding rays bring warmth and joy.
Now looking back and realizing, that the pain was only a means, a tool, to reach this hidden treasure, buried deep in my soul. The pain was like a knife, that was cutting through thick layers of my being, helping me to reach distant vistas that I had no idea existed.

Now having reached the top of the mountain, I slowly absorb the majesty all around me. Who would of known, that before when I was in pain, the desperation that I had, would eventually bring me here.

The physical pain was, because of the limitation of the physical. But now I have transcended the limitations and constrictions, of the jail that I was in. And have become truly free.
Now able to fly like a bird. Able to see beauty, where before I saw only the cold darkness of my dungeon, and glad to be out. Glad, that the pain was able to bring me here.

I shudder to think what I went through. Not wanting to ever have to go through that again.
The gentle summer breeze blows against my face, embracing me in its gusts. I feel only excitement and energy.

The entire creation looks at me and is envious of my joy. I have left its limits and climbed its great heights, and surmounted its obstacles. Now I see a different world, as I survey all that is around me.

I’m having joy in just living, being with my G-d. Not wanting anything else. Eternity itself runs through my veins, pulsating with its vibrancy. Not subject to the tides of time, or to the entropy of life. Now I have combined body and soul, and become G-dly.
The well that was buried deep within me, has been tapped, and now it gives life-giving waters, to be enjoyed. I have gone where very few have.

I look back in regret, but look forward in anticipation.

The sands of time are not running out, rather they are increasing, pulsating, and becoming stronger with each passing second...

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